Listen

Maybe it doesnt hurt to hear what everyone has to say about me.

All the "you're not good enough" 's or the "wow, you should really eat less". Maybe they mean something. I mean, it doesnt hurt to listen right? Even if you're hurting inside, who cares? They dont, you dont.

So, hurt all you want, you wont make a difference. But if you just listen, maybe you will, not to the world but to yourself. You become a better person in their eyes because that's just really all that matters.

What society thinks. What makes the world go round. Expectation. Humiliation. Hurt. It's all part of the experience. But there's just one thing I hope for after you listen,
 I hope you feel happy with what you've just heard no matter how hard it is, because those imperfections society points out, is what makes you human, the best side of you. You'll come out beautiful. I swear, after listening to everything, you'll be great. No words society says can ever ruin you. Because you fixed them already.

So next time someone says something mean to you, listen.

What I Honestly Feel

The feeling when you're not good enough. When you don't think any guy will ever want to be with you because you're not special, you're not funny. Not pretty either. and you kinda get sick of everyone telling you you're pretty because you know its just lies, just to make you feel better. And when you do try to see into your future, you can't help but feel sorry for the guy. He's gonna be stuck with you, the ordinary, ugly and boring girl you are.
 Honestly, if I was my own soulmate, I wouldn't be too keen on going back home to me either. I can't blame anyone but myself for that, and you get sad, and you try your best to change that and it's telling you your boringness is permanent at the back of your mind. That makes you sad, doesnt it? Putting your hopes up so high but at the end of the day, reality always comes back to you. The fact that someday, you'll have someone who'll love you even if it goes against all odds, and you're not even gonna believe it. Because really, you're nothing compared to all the other girls.

The Ugly Truth of Who I Am.

Sometimes, you feel like crying, not because you're not good enough, but because you finally figured out what you really are, and you find out, you are what you don't want to be the most, a bully. A big fat bully. And the thing is, you've seen all these movies when you were a child, you see the bullies and you think, When I grow up I never want to be like that, I want to be the person who saves the victim. The nice guy but as you get older you tend to lose yourself and you look inside and you find you're a mean, stupid and cruel creature. 

You start to be sad, because you realize people like you who scars other people's lives and say mean words that cut their hearts don't deserve anything you get. You don't deserve love, sympathy, you really don't deserve having a home, a family because you're such a terrible person. You also don't deserve the person who's there when you cry or you break down, because you make other people cry. 

When you do get punished, for hurting someone else, you feel it. You feel the pain when your teacher hits your hand or slaps your face for bullying an 11 year old girl, but really, you deserved so much more. Because what you got was a temporary pain, but what that girl got was forever. You can deal with this in two ways, strike back, or look into yourself.

And if you look into yourself you'll realize you're a horrible person, and that kid wishing she'll never turn out like this comes back to you, the person you were before.You feel like punishing yourself, cutting your veins, hitting your head into a wall just because you figured this is what you actually deserve.Because to you,

Bad things have to happen to bad people, like yourself.

Wherever You Are, No Matter How Far. I Promise I That I Wont Give Up On You.

Am I the only person who wishes that the guy that's my other half's gonna like appear in my memory just for a second, just so I know who he is. I just want an idea about how he's gonna be like. And it's ironic that while I'm writing this, he's in another room, possibly in another state or country, living and dreaming and I don't even know who he is and he doesn't even have the idea of me and one day, we're gonna be married and I'll love him more than I love myself. And it's funny how I have my whole life planned out in my head, about how I want my life to be and all the places I wanna go with the person I love most, yet I don't even know who that person is, and he doesn't even know what he's in for if he's gonna spend a lifetime with me. We're just gonna do so much and be so happy together yet, we don't know when we're gonna meet or even have the slightest idea of who each of us are. But I hope with all my heart, that even though we don't know each other, we'll never give up on being together.

Losing Myself.

It's funny when you're lost but you know exactly where you are. You lost yourself, you see all these amazing people and you just can't help but feel small, and you can't help but feel sorry for yourself, because I can't.Maybe you even start to change, little by little and sooner or later, you're a different person. One day, you're going to look back and maybe you'll miss the girl who smiled for the whole world. Maybe you'll miss yourself, and you wish you can turn back time but you can't. You search for answers, you search for an explanation for yourself, a reason, I guess. But the only thing you can think of is going back to where you started, who you were before. And you come to the saddest part, its when you dont know who you are or where you're from. You can't go back and you're sad because the reason for it all is because you've lost yourself completely.

The Best of My Memories

Istanbul, let's pray I'll see you again soon. InsyaAllah.

The Other Half Of Me.

So I live in boarding school and right here, you practically meet every type of person there is. You find people from all over the country. You also find real friends, that make you forget about the fake ones. So yeah, I hope we stay friends till jannah.Cause y'know, we dont have much here, but we have each other xx